Wednesday, January 28, 2009

1 month of marriage bliss... the rest a lie

It has been a while since writing in my blog and here is the reason...
After I got married and settled into the new house things started to dramatically change. Dan started smoking cigarettes, something he had never done before, and hanging out with his friends at least 4 nights a week. When he hung out with friends I was unwelcomed and he told me that he needed his time with his friends away from me. Well, the patient person I am kept letting this drag on and I would make excuses to myself why he was doing this to make it seem justified. He started becoming really secretive with everything and talking to the same girl everyday and texting her 100's of texts a day. I would confront Dan about her and he would tell me he would never sleep with her because she has slept with over 16 guys and she is 20 with a 6 month old baby and doesn't even know who the dad was. I just started getting more and more sick to my stomach about all of this. Dan and I would have talks almost every night it seemed about where our relationship is going and why all these things seem a little off. Dan would never confess to anything and just kept saying everything was fine. I kept hoping this would change the next day and never did. Finally I told him that we needed to separate. (He claims this was a complete shock to him and he never saw it coming) He was very emotional and just kept claiming he was going to kill himself. His little girl called and called and texted. I read the text that said "I love you, why don't we just get an apartment together now." It wasn't until I read that out loud to him that he told me the truth about her. That night he drove to Twin Falls to jump off a bridge. I called the cops to go look for him and they found him and put him in the hospital for an evaluation. That weekend was confusing and scary. I know people can make mistakes so I wanted to give him a chance and work things out. Well, it's kind of hard to do that when he still "loves" this girl and can't get over her. So here we are. He is kicked out of the house and I am surrounded by all the memories that I thought would just keep growing between us. We are working on an annulment and moving on with our lives. I have a feeling it is much easier for him than me. He already has someone else who loves him and they spend time and talk through-out the day. I, on the other hand, have my 2 year old companion all day to talk to and sit around with at work. (Very lonely and oh boy does your mind get to think a lot) Then I go home only to be reminded of "us" and then start on all the house cleaning and dog playing by myself. Extremely tiring and exhausting. So thats where I have emotionally been... Absent from everything. I have a lot of healing to do and am not sure how I am going to do it. Luckily, I have my mom to keep my mind on something else. I go see her every Mon, Wed, and Fri after work and then most of the day on Sat. and Sun. She tries to cheer me up by singing ridiculous songs and doing really funny things. She likes to feed me her food like a baby. She knows I don't eat anymore because of all this and forces it in me. She is a big goof ball and keeps me going.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Where do I begin?

My life is filled with random crazy stuff right now. Since I last wrote I have celebrated 3 christmas', 3 birthday parties for me, new years, plenty of Do It Yourself projects in my bathroom, and preparing to have my mom home in Boise on Friday, oh yeah and lots and lots of stress! Hooray for me for still waking up in the morning to start another crazy day... they don't seem to stop.

Christmas seemed to keep going and going this year. I did get some pretty cool stuff though. The people I work for bought me a new canon powershot camera. My old one was stolen from my car that was parked in my driveway... some people I tell ya. I also received a new dell laptop! Awesome! So hopefully christmas is finally over 3 weeks later.

My birthday was January 6 and I was able to celebrate it on the 4th with my family, my dad and Kristi were in Boise so we were all able to be as a family- minus my mom and Brent. Dan got me an Ipod Touch, my old Ipod got stolen along with the camera... lame I know. On my birthday some of my friends got together and took me out to eat. We went to a restaurant in Meridian called Rudys. And then some of us went downtown to the bars for a couple drinks!

Jacqueline, Ashley, and me taking a shot called the ziplock. You drop a shot glass into a normal size glass... weird

New Years was fun. Dan and I went over to our friends house in Nampa. I was able to see several friends that I used to work with and haven't seen for a while.

This last saturday Jeff came over and showed me how to caulk and grout my tile in my bathroom and around my bathtub. There were about 8 tile pieces coming off and the caulking was coming off too and starting to mold. So I wanted to fix it before it was to late and damaged all the wall behind it too. That project was time consuming but relitively easy. Watch out lady on Extreme home makeover cuz here I come. I am ready for home projects any time. I have hung up several pictures that were laying around my house. Yesterday I thought I would do an easy house project and change out the door knob in my bathroom so I could actually close the door and lock it... simple right, WRONG. I didn't have the right parts to drill a bigger hole in my door. So today at work Jack (the little boy I nanny) and I set off for home depot. I walk into that store and feel like I just went to a foreign country. I don't understand home improvement stores to well yet. So after plenty of reading and searching labels for I didn't even know what, I actually found what I thought I needed. I got off work and decided to give the door knob another go. The old door knobs pieces were rusty and I had to find pliers to twist them apart... what a chore. Then I started to drill a hole in the door like I was supposed too. Jeff warned me that this part is difficult because the drill thing jumps around... and oh boy did it! I was so happy when I was finished with that part. So I put the new door knob on only to figure out I did something wrong because the latch was stuck so I had to disassemble it all again and redo it. An hour and a half later I had a new door knob and did it all by myself. The caulking and grouting was actually easier! So sad. And when I got done with the door knob my paint was peelinlg on the back of the door so why not peel it off cuz it was fun! So now I have a new color on the back of my door that looks like baby poop. Just the color I was looking for.

This is me on the phone with Jeff. When I do house projects I am always on the phone with Jeff for a while getting advice on what to do.

The five bottom left pieces were comletely falling off. Look how pretty after I was done with them. You can't even tell

These bottom pieces were off the wall as well. I also had to fix that broken one too. Also, take note of the beautiful caulking job.

The faucet had a gap between the wall and spout. I caulked it with clear caulking and you can't even tell.

These tiles under the spout needed some TLC too. Can't even tell it was done by a girl who had little idea of what to do.
Here is my new door knob. When I was installing the thing the door paint started to peel. It makes the new door knob not look so pretty
This was the worst part. Drilling the dumb hole. Can't wait for the next door knob installation project so I can drill more holes.
The old door knob stuff (on the left) and the new door knob stuff (on the right)

This is my dog, Simon, he is always my side kick during projects. He won't be more than 3 feet of me at any given time. So of course he was trying to get into the bathtub during my grouting and caulking and was trying to eat the door knob screws. He is worse than a toddler sometimes. And of course his nose smooshed against the camera lens.

The door paint in my hand. And to my surprise, my new door color in the background.

Here is my not completed door stripping paint project.

This is a picture frame Heidi bought Dan and I for christmas. So cool and goes with my house really well.

My mom made these picture frames at a super saturday, I think, and she didn't have any use for them and gave them to me. The pictures are just neat ones I took in Hawaii. My favorite one is the top one that you can't see well in the picture. It is of a bird under a branch on the ledge of our hotel. The bottom one is of my feet and the sunrise rising between them

These pictures were given to Dan from Kristi and Jeff for his birthday. It was not easy to find an 8x8 frame for them. But I finely did and they look great.