Wednesday, January 28, 2009

1 month of marriage bliss... the rest a lie

It has been a while since writing in my blog and here is the reason...
After I got married and settled into the new house things started to dramatically change. Dan started smoking cigarettes, something he had never done before, and hanging out with his friends at least 4 nights a week. When he hung out with friends I was unwelcomed and he told me that he needed his time with his friends away from me. Well, the patient person I am kept letting this drag on and I would make excuses to myself why he was doing this to make it seem justified. He started becoming really secretive with everything and talking to the same girl everyday and texting her 100's of texts a day. I would confront Dan about her and he would tell me he would never sleep with her because she has slept with over 16 guys and she is 20 with a 6 month old baby and doesn't even know who the dad was. I just started getting more and more sick to my stomach about all of this. Dan and I would have talks almost every night it seemed about where our relationship is going and why all these things seem a little off. Dan would never confess to anything and just kept saying everything was fine. I kept hoping this would change the next day and never did. Finally I told him that we needed to separate. (He claims this was a complete shock to him and he never saw it coming) He was very emotional and just kept claiming he was going to kill himself. His little girl called and called and texted. I read the text that said "I love you, why don't we just get an apartment together now." It wasn't until I read that out loud to him that he told me the truth about her. That night he drove to Twin Falls to jump off a bridge. I called the cops to go look for him and they found him and put him in the hospital for an evaluation. That weekend was confusing and scary. I know people can make mistakes so I wanted to give him a chance and work things out. Well, it's kind of hard to do that when he still "loves" this girl and can't get over her. So here we are. He is kicked out of the house and I am surrounded by all the memories that I thought would just keep growing between us. We are working on an annulment and moving on with our lives. I have a feeling it is much easier for him than me. He already has someone else who loves him and they spend time and talk through-out the day. I, on the other hand, have my 2 year old companion all day to talk to and sit around with at work. (Very lonely and oh boy does your mind get to think a lot) Then I go home only to be reminded of "us" and then start on all the house cleaning and dog playing by myself. Extremely tiring and exhausting. So thats where I have emotionally been... Absent from everything. I have a lot of healing to do and am not sure how I am going to do it. Luckily, I have my mom to keep my mind on something else. I go see her every Mon, Wed, and Fri after work and then most of the day on Sat. and Sun. She tries to cheer me up by singing ridiculous songs and doing really funny things. She likes to feed me her food like a baby. She knows I don't eat anymore because of all this and forces it in me. She is a big goof ball and keeps me going.

9 comments:

Heidi said...

I am so proud of you for getting this all out there! It must feel so good to talk openly about everything. You are one of the strongest people ever and I love you so much and am so grateful that Ren and I can be a support to you all of the time! (Even if it means treating you like a ten year old again, haha!!) Love ya!

Kristi M. said...

WOW Mindy you are so strong for putting this on here. It could not have been an easy thing to do and for that I greatly admire you. What a scary thing but a huge relief I am sure. I am confident that there is someone out there that will be honest with you, someone that will love you and only you conditionally, someone that will appreciate your dedication and hard work in the relationship and do the same, someone that is committed forever. You just need to have a little bit of faith that all will work out. That this decision is for the best. We are here for you Mindy. We love you so much! There is nothing about you not to love. Just something random, aren't you glad that you picked the blogger address that you did. :) Love you!!

Nick and Ashley Kalinski said...

Mindy,
That was a lot to have to get off your chest. I am glad that you were able to though. It is so much to handle, and I can't imagine what you must be going through. I have so much confidence in you, and the ability to do what is right in any situation. You are such an amazing person, never forget that!

Sharon/mom said...

Mindy, I was so sad to hear this. I want you to know our prayers are with you! I am glad to know that your mom is giving you joy right now. We'll be seeing you soon.

AMY AND MIKEY said...

Mindy, I know we aren't close, but I do care about you, I felt sick when I read your post. I am so sorry you have to be going through this. You are such a strong person. I have been praying for your mom every night, and I will add you to my prayers.

Danielle said...

I'm so sorry Mindy! What a horrible undeserving thing to happen. Like everyone has said, I am praying for you and your family all the time! This has been a rough couple months for you. You are so beautiful and such a good person...everything will turn out someday:)

Lindy & Bryce Ellsworth said...

Mindy - You are such an amazing woman! I'm so sorry you are hurting. Luckily you have a great family to get you through this. If you need anything, please let me know! I will make sure to keep you in my prayers. I'm wanting to come visit your mom soon, so hopefully I see you too. Hope you have a great week.

Lizzie said...

I am so sorry. My sister Amy called me so worried about you last week after she read this post. I feel for you. You are so cute and from what Kristi writes, so happy and fun to be around. If you ever want to get out of the snow and come down to Cali again, our doors are always open. Stagecoach is in a couple of months....
Lizzie Lamm (Steve's daughter)

Anonymous said...

you MUST be kidding me

you, my dear, are WACKED.

Here you are, all QUICKLY recovered now with Julio up in BOISE!

Come to think of it---this whole thing must be a joke, right?