1 month of marriage bliss... the rest a lie

It has been a while since writing in my blog and here is the reason...
After I got married and settled into the new house things started to dramatically change. Dan started smoking cigarettes, something he had never done before, and hanging out with his friends at least 4 nights a week. When he hung out with friends I was unwelcomed and he told me that he needed his time with his friends away from me. Well, the patient person I am kept letting this drag on and I would make excuses to myself why he was doing this to make it seem justified. He started becoming really secretive with everything and talking to the same girl everyday and texting her 100's of texts a day. I would confront Dan about her and he would tell me he would never sleep with her because she has slept with over 16 guys and she is 20 with a 6 month old baby and doesn't even know who the dad was. I just started getting more and more sick to my stomach about all of this. Dan and I would have talks almost every night it seemed about where our relationship is going and why all these things seem a little off. Dan would never confess to anything and just kept saying everything was fine. I kept hoping this would change the next day and never did. Finally I told him that we needed to separate. (He claims this was a complete shock to him and he never saw it coming) He was very emotional and just kept claiming he was going to kill himself. His little girl called and called and texted. I read the text that said "I love you, why don't we just get an apartment together now." It wasn't until I read that out loud to him that he told me the truth about her. That night he drove to Twin Falls to jump off a bridge. I called the cops to go look for him and they found him and put him in the hospital for an evaluation. That weekend was confusing and scary. I know people can make mistakes so I wanted to give him a chance and work things out. Well, it's kind of hard to do that when he still "loves" this girl and can't get over her. So here we are. He is kicked out of the house and I am surrounded by all the memories that I thought would just keep growing between us. We are working on an annulment and moving on with our lives. I have a feeling it is much easier for him than me. He already has someone else who loves him and they spend time and talk through-out the day. I, on the other hand, have my 2 year old companion all day to talk to and sit around with at work. (Very lonely and oh boy does your mind get to think a lot) Then I go home only to be reminded of "us" and then start on all the house cleaning and dog playing by myself. Extremely tiring and exhausting. So thats where I have emotionally been... Absent from everything. I have a lot of healing to do and am not sure how I am going to do it. Luckily, I have my mom to keep my mind on something else. I go see her every Mon, Wed, and Fri after work and then most of the day on Sat. and Sun. She tries to cheer me up by singing ridiculous songs and doing really funny things. She likes to feed me her food like a baby. She knows I don't eat anymore because of all this and forces it in me. She is a big goof ball and keeps me going.