1 month of marriage bliss... the rest a lie

It has been a while since writing in my blog and here is the reason...
After I got married and settled into the new house things started to dramatically change. Dan started smoking cigarettes, something he had never done before, and hanging out with his friends at least 4 nights a week. When he hung out with friends I was unwelcomed and he told me that he needed his time with his friends away from me. Well, the patient person I am kept letting this drag on and I would make excuses to myself why he was doing this to make it seem justified. He started becoming really secretive with everything and talking to the same girl everyday and texting her 100's of texts a day. I would confront Dan about her and he would tell me he would never sleep with her because she has slept with over 16 guys and she is 20 with a 6 month old baby and doesn't even know who the dad was. I just started getting more and more sick to my stomach about all of this. Dan and I would have talks almost every night it seemed about where our relationship is going and why all these things seem a little off. Dan would never confess to anything and just kept saying everything was fine. I kept hoping this would change the next day and never did. Finally I told him that we needed to separate. (He claims this was a complete shock to him and he never saw it coming) He was very emotional and just kept claiming he was going to kill himself. His little girl called and called and texted. I read the text that said "I love you, why don't we just get an apartment together now." It wasn't until I read that out loud to him that he told me the truth about her. That night he drove to Twin Falls to jump off a bridge. I called the cops to go look for him and they found him and put him in the hospital for an evaluation. That weekend was confusing and scary. I know people can make mistakes so I wanted to give him a chance and work things out. Well, it's kind of hard to do that when he still "loves" this girl and can't get over her. So here we are. He is kicked out of the house and I am surrounded by all the memories that I thought would just keep growing between us. We are working on an annulment and moving on with our lives. I have a feeling it is much easier for him than me. He already has someone else who loves him and they spend time and talk through-out the day. I, on the other hand, have my 2 year old companion all day to talk to and sit around with at work. (Very lonely and oh boy does your mind get to think a lot) Then I go home only to be reminded of "us" and then start on all the house cleaning and dog playing by myself. Extremely tiring and exhausting. So thats where I have emotionally been... Absent from everything. I have a lot of healing to do and am not sure how I am going to do it. Luckily, I have my mom to keep my mind on something else. I go see her every Mon, Wed, and Fri after work and then most of the day on Sat. and Sun. She tries to cheer me up by singing ridiculous songs and doing really funny things. She likes to feed me her food like a baby. She knows I don't eat anymore because of all this and forces it in me. She is a big goof ball and keeps me going.

Where do I begin?

My life is filled with random crazy stuff right now. Since I last wrote I have celebrated 3 christmas', 3 birthday parties for me, new years, plenty of Do It Yourself projects in my bathroom, and preparing to have my mom home in Boise on Friday, oh yeah and lots and lots of stress! Hooray for me for still waking up in the morning to start another crazy day... they don't seem to stop.




Christmas seemed to keep going and going this year. I did get some pretty cool stuff though. The people I work for bought me a new canon powershot camera. My old one was stolen from my car that was parked in my driveway... some people I tell ya. I also received a new dell laptop! Awesome! So hopefully christmas is finally over 3 weeks later.



My birthday was January 6 and I was able to celebrate it on the 4th with my family, my dad and Kristi were in Boise so we were all able to be as a family- minus my mom and Brent. Dan got me an Ipod Touch, my old Ipod got stolen along with the camera... lame I know. On my birthday some of my friends got together and took me out to eat. We went to a restaurant in Meridian called Rudys. And then some of us went downtown to the bars for a couple drinks!



Jacqueline, Ashley, and me taking a shot called the ziplock. You drop a shot glass into a normal size glass... weird

New Years was fun. Dan and I went over to our friends house in Nampa. I was able to see several friends that I used to work with and haven't seen for a while.

This last saturday Jeff came over and showed me how to caulk and grout my tile in my bathroom and around my bathtub. There were about 8 tile pieces coming off and the caulking was coming off too and starting to mold. So I wanted to fix it before it was to late and damaged all the wall behind it too. That project was time consuming but relitively easy. Watch out lady on Extreme home makeover cuz here I come. I am ready for home projects any time. I have hung up several pictures that were laying around my house. Yesterday I thought I would do an easy house project and change out the door knob in my bathroom so I could actually close the door and lock it... simple right, WRONG. I didn't have the right parts to drill a bigger hole in my door. So today at work Jack (the little boy I nanny) and I set off for home depot. I walk into that store and feel like I just went to a foreign country. I don't understand home improvement stores to well yet. So after plenty of reading and searching labels for I didn't even know what, I actually found what I thought I needed. I got off work and decided to give the door knob another go. The old door knobs pieces were rusty and I had to find pliers to twist them apart... what a chore. Then I started to drill a hole in the door like I was supposed too. Jeff warned me that this part is difficult because the drill thing jumps around... and oh boy did it! I was so happy when I was finished with that part. So I put the new door knob on only to figure out I did something wrong because the latch was stuck so I had to disassemble it all again and redo it. An hour and a half later I had a new door knob and did it all by myself. The caulking and grouting was actually easier! So sad. And when I got done with the door knob my paint was peelinlg on the back of the door so why not peel it off cuz it was fun! So now I have a new color on the back of my door that looks like baby poop. Just the color I was looking for.

This is me on the phone with Jeff. When I do house projects I am always on the phone with Jeff for a while getting advice on what to do.



The five bottom left pieces were comletely falling off. Look how pretty after I was done with them. You can't even tell

These bottom pieces were off the wall as well. I also had to fix that broken one too. Also, take note of the beautiful caulking job.

The faucet had a gap between the wall and spout. I caulked it with clear caulking and you can't even tell.

These tiles under the spout needed some TLC too. Can't even tell it was done by a girl who had little idea of what to do.
Here is my new door knob. When I was installing the thing the door paint started to peel. It makes the new door knob not look so pretty
This was the worst part. Drilling the dumb hole. Can't wait for the next door knob installation project so I can drill more holes.
The old door knob stuff (on the left) and the new door knob stuff (on the right)

This is my dog, Simon, he is always my side kick during projects. He won't be more than 3 feet of me at any given time. So of course he was trying to get into the bathtub during my grouting and caulking and was trying to eat the door knob screws. He is worse than a toddler sometimes. And of course his nose smooshed against the camera lens.

The door paint in my hand. And to my surprise, my new door color in the background.

Here is my not completed door stripping paint project.

This is a picture frame Heidi bought Dan and I for christmas. So cool and goes with my house really well.

My mom made these picture frames at a super saturday, I think, and she didn't have any use for them and gave them to me. The pictures are just neat ones I took in Hawaii. My favorite one is the top one that you can't see well in the picture. It is of a bird under a branch on the ledge of our hotel. The bottom one is of my feet and the sunrise rising between them

These pictures were given to Dan from Kristi and Jeff for his birthday. It was not easy to find an 8x8 frame for them. But I finely did and they look great.

Mom is improving

Today is the 10th day after my mom had her stroke. She was in Mercy San Juan hospital which was a stroke center and happened to be about 15 min. from Brent and Noelle's apartment. The doctors and nurses saw enough progress in my mom that they transported her to Mercy general hospital to start her physical therapy. My mom is eating mashed potatoes and other pureed soft foods. Both her eyes are staying open a little longer. And she is already signaling for my dad to go go back to the apartment. So typical. It was hard to leave Sacramento on Saturday but the physical therapist was already saying it should be about a week until she can come home to Boise. That seems soon but they know better than I do. It will be nice and reasuring when my mom comes back to Boise. She will have more support here and my dad will have more help. Brent and Noelle have been a huge support for my dad and have been getting him out of the hospital so he doesn't go crazy. Thanks for all the support and prayers from family and friends during this last week.

Brents Wedding and California

We went to Sacramento, CA on Thursday December 18. We had a 2 hour lay over in Portland that turned into 4 hours because of the snow. We were lucky to get out of there at all. We ate at a cafe in the airport that had the nicest workers. I have never seen airport workers that were so pleasant. 

Everyone makes fun of my orange sweater. I have had it since 8th grade and still love it. It is getting worn out in the elbows and is a little small... but that doesn't stop me from wearing it!

When we got to California the weather was much different than Idaho and very enjoyable. Brent and Noelle met us at the airport and Noelle met my dad for the first time.  The airport had an awesome display of old luggage stacked that people had left. 

We took a shuttle to the car rental area and Gunnar loved it! 

We ate mexican food for lunch and then went to the hotel.




Everyone was really tired and took a nap except for my dad, me and Kristi. We went to the store and drove around to see the area. The next day, Friday December 19, was Brent and Noelle's wedding day. We woke up and went to the temple in the morning. Daniel and I were watching Gunnar when the ceremony was going on. We went to the van and played. Daniel and Gunnar went crazy together! 

The wedding day... 

Here comes barbie and ken
The bridal party. The brother-in-laws and Noelle's best friend and two sisters


Dan in a suit? I didn't think this day would happen

After the wedding we went to the luncheon at Macaroni Grill. Yummy! 

Gunnar loved the motorcycle at the outlet mall

Before the reception the family went to the outlet malls. The girls and boys split up so it was fun to just go shopping with my sisters. (My mom stayed at the hotel and took a nap) 

The reception hall was pretty! They had a candy bar and jones sodas to drink. Holy cow... sugar overload! It all looked very nice though. And the cake was awesome. 

The reception was from 6:00-9:00. We danced the night away with my parents. 

Kristi loves looking at pictures of herself and I had to put this one on for her because she thought she looked so good that I printed it out for her at Walmart!
The cake. The wedding colors were black, white, green and had damask pattern

This was the ceiling where the cloth all came together.

Oh goodness... Brent getting the garter 
They fed cake nicely
The happy couple
The happy couple number 2
These are what I wore and Dan wore
My lovely mommy

Gunnar was wild! He danced...and danced....and danced
My dad and me dancing together! Fun

After the reception I was starving! My dad, mom, Kristi, Jeff, and I went to a restaurant afterwords called the dim sum bar. It was amazing food and the decor was gorgeous inside. The five of us were just laughing the night away. 

On Saturday we decided we were going to San Francisco. We went to Bubba Gumps for lunch and than split up after that. Some of them took Gunnar to the Aquarium. Some just looked in all the shops. Daniel and I went around the town. We visited the Coit Tower and walked through China town and then to Union Square. It was sooo busy being the last weekend before Christmas. When walking back to the cars the two of us went to a little cafe for something to drink and a little fruit tart. We also talked to the nicest stranger ever. I love it when I talk to strangers! When we got back to the hotel everyone was really tired. Kristi, mom, and I stayed up till 10 talking about our day to each other and were laughing and enjoying each others company. 

Dan on a park bench in front of St. Marys Cathedral 
This sign was in China town and they spelled today with two words To Day. What crazy people.

Me in front of some windows up in Coit Tower
Dan in Coit Tower
This is Coit tower

The next day felt like 2 weeks in itself. I got a knock at my door around 1:15 saying the EMT were in moms room and mom had a stroke. I couldn't even comprehend what was going on. I just put clothes on and walked across the hall to find everyone just standing around doing exactly what I was doing. We were all in complete shock. My mom was coherent but couldn't move. Through her eyes you could tell she was so frustrated and helpless. The rest of the day was filled with lots of crying, hugs, prayers, phone calls, and pulling together as a family to get through. The situation is very unfortunate but we feel lucky in many ways. We were very close to a stroke center, we ended up not staying in San Francisco for the night like we were going to, and we were as a family with my dad here as well. To find out more detail on my moms condition Kristi wrote about it on her blog. www.jeffandkristimiller.blogspot.com so feel free to read that for more details. We all didn't go to bed until really late that night. The Roths (Noelles family) was so amazing! They were there with us at the hospital at 2 in the morning holding our hands and getting anything we needed. It was the scariest and longest day of my life. On Monday we got to the hospital early. Daniel and Ren went home on Monday (the day we were all going to go home) to take care of things there. The rest of the week was just transporting back and forth to the hospital. The six of us, my dad, me, Heidi, Kristi, Jeff and Gunnar all stayed at my brothers apartment for the week. We were all able to learn a lot about each other and found that it wasn't always easy being around each other for so long. But by the time Saturday came we didn't want to leave. For the most part we all wanted to be around each other and help one another. The Roths fed us almost every night and watched Gunnar on occasion. We went over for Christmas and had a great time with them. They were so nice and wanted all of us to have a christmas. So they gave us each a gift. The girls all got a new sweater that we all wore the next day! Katie (Noelles mom) also had called the photographer to get our family picture from the wedding. It is such a beautiful picture of all of us. That night we all talked for a while and then played Catch Phrase. So much fun! We had the best laughs. It was really nice to be able to enjoy ourselves for a while. We were over there for a little over 5 hours and it felt like 2 hours. Time went fast! We just love the Roths and wish we lived closer and could visit them more. They are definitely family to all of us! Christmas day they also took us to the movies. We went and saw Bedtime Stories which was pretty cute. My week consisted of a lot of hospital, a lot of family, and a lot of love and compassion. Oh yeah and a lot of crying... can't leave that out. Needless to say we didn't want to go back home on Saturday. There was comfort being able to see my mom and talk to my mom everyday. And to just be as a family. We all support each other with everything and we grew closer than ever. (which we were already a VERY close family). So now it is my dad, Brent, and Noelle in Sacramento to help my mom. 

Monday night my dad cuddling with Gunnar on the couch
Brent and Noelle opening their wedding gifts. These wafers were given to them and had expired in 2006. So funny
Brent had a huge bean bag that Gunnar loved playing on and sleeping on.
My dad was in Iraq to long and put the blanket around Gunnar to only show his eyes
When we watched T.V. or a movie Gunnar always wanted to watch Thomas Train or Cars so we set up the portable dvd player in the corner for him to watch with headphones.